Challenges in Marriage: Lesson 5

 "...Anyone who imagines that bliss [in marriage] is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed...Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration...The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

It is so easy to get discouraged when challenges arise in marriage. It is easy to get discouraged when your marriage requires work. My whole life I grew up thinking that I would marry the person who understood me perfectly, would know what I'm thinking before I say it, would know how to make me feel better,would know blah blah etc., etc., etc., but guess what? My husband doesn't know these things. And it's because we are different and come from different homes, towns, states, families, the list goes on. Marriage requires work and its true that people believe their whole lives that marriage is going to be easy and that they are going to be 100% happy and satisfied all the time, but most marriages don't work that way. 

Addictions in Marriage
Addiction-“the compulsive and out-of-control use of any substance or activity that leads to adverse consequences in a person's life and that produces unpleasant physical or emotional symptoms, or both, when the use of the substance or activity is stopped”.

Addictions in marriage take our focus away from the things that matter most, namely, your marriage and family. When a spouse is addicted to an object or an activity, sometimes the un-addicted spouse will make excuses for their spouse. The lesson says that in a way this is promoting the addiction behavior and enabling their spouse. 

Elder Russel M Nelson said, "Addiction to any substance enslaves not only the physical body but the spirit as well..."

There are many organizations and programs out there to try and help those with addictions.
Two resources are:
www.ldsmentalhealth.org
http://heart-t-heart.org/

Addiction to Pornography
Researchers who suggest there are three factors that contribute to the increase in pornography consumption:

• Accessible-Pornography websites are available 24/7.
• Affordable-There are many free pornography sites or ones for cheap. 
• Anonymous-Through the internet, many people feel if they look at pornography they are anonymous. 

Another researcher explained how pornography has developed over time and is now more graphic and interactive then ever before. 

A story that illustrates those addicted to pornography by Victor Cline and Brad Wilcox:

Years ago youngsters could make a little extra money by hunting raccoons with homemade traps. These young hunters built small wooden boxes with only one opening, and secured them to the trunk of a tree or fallen log. Around the opening they would drive nails at angles so the sharp ends pointed toward the back of the box. Next the hunters would drop a shiny piece of metal in the bottom. Inevitably, a curious raccoon would be attracted by the shiny object and, as skillfully as a monkey, reach his long, flexible fingers into the box and grasp it. Of course, it was no trouble to reach between the nails when his fingers were relaxed, but once the animal closed its strong claws around the object, there was no way to pull it out without running into the sharp nails. All the raccoon had to do was let go and withdraw its fingers to be free, but there it would sit--trapped by nothing but its own unwillingness to let go of the shiny—but worthless—metal. Pornography is a similar trap, drawing in the curious and then holding them by their unwillingness to let go of their appealing, but worthless, prize.

Elder Jeffrey R Holland said, "sexual behavior outside of marriage (or unhealthy sexual behavior within marriage, for that matter) is damaging because we are abusing and misusing sexuality for the gratification of personal lusts and desires rather than to accomplish the divine purpose for which it was given."

President Hinckley said, "Likewise, even though the Internet is saturated with sleazy material, you do not have to watch it. You can retreat to the shelter of the gospel and its teaching of cleanliness and virtue and purity of life."

Infidelity
"Complete trust in each other is one of the greatest enriching factors in marriage."
-Elder James E Faust


Fidelity means being sexually, psychologically, and emotionally loyal to your spouse. 


"The Proclamation states that “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.” The marital challenges of addiction, pornography, and infidelity that we have discussed in this lesson frequently threaten the marital relationship. Through hard work, time, and the atonement of Jesus Christ, individual family members can overcome these challenges."

Lesson 4: Strengthening Marriage Relationships

This lesson opens up with a quote by Spencer W Kimball that says, "While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive (emphasis added). This is within the reach of every couple, every person."

I absolutely LOVE this quote and have certainly always felt this way about marriage. I am grateful for that. I never felt that marriage should be an ordinary thing. I have always been inspired and awed at the concept of two people loving each other completely and to the point of putting the other above all else. I love that you can be with someone that you like to be around and feel comfortable around forever. I tried to think of this concept while dating and it really did help me. Happiness in marriage really has no limit. This is motivating to me! Even if you have a great, fantastic marriage isn't it amazing that it can be BETTER? I love that our potential has no bounds. Both in marriage and individually. It is no ordinary thing. A partnership with someone you CHOOSE (in this day and age anyway)...I just love it. 

Covenant Marriage
We are fortunate to have The Proclamation to the World to help guide us through marriage and families. In the Proclamation it states that Marriage is essential to his eternal plan, which means that marriage is of eternal quality, it is not of earthly quality. It is meant to be forever. The lesson than compares a covenant relationship to a contractual relationship. In a contractual relationship, parties are only involved for their own benefit and if there are challenges, they leave the contract. People do not give all their effort to keep these relationships in tact. In a covenant relationship, parties give 100% always and work hard at the relationship even if they are not receiving what they bargained for. 

To have a successful covenant relationship, it must be centered on Christ. Elder Holland said it the best with this quote, "You want capability, safety, and security . . . in married life and eternity? Be a true disciple of Jesus. Be a genuine, committed, word-and-deed Latter-day Saint. Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. . . . Jesus Christ, the Light of the World, is the only lamp by which you can successfully see the path of love and happiness for you and for your sweetheart."

Once you are in a covenant relationship, your spouse comes before anything or anyone else. "...neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse."

I don't remember where I heard this but I love the analogy of invisible numbers. What is the invisible number above your spouse? A number one. And your children are twos. And everyone else are threes or fours or fives. It helps to put things in perspective and remember what is most important. 

Types of Commitment in Marriage:

"Marriage scholars Howard Markman, Scott Stanley, and Susan Blumberg (2001) have identified two kinds of commitment: constraint commitment and personal dedication. Constraint commitment comprises external social forces that keep marriage together. For example, couples may stay together because of social pressure, high expense of divorce, or for the sake of the children. Personal dedication is more about a devotion and loyalty to an individual and to the institution of marriage. Having constraint commitment isn't all bad—it certainly can help keep marriages stable and couples can lean on it to weather the storms of their relationship. But research shows that personally dedicated couples show a greater priority for the relationship, feel greater satisfaction with giving, and are less likely to seek greener marital pastures."

Enduring Marriage:Love and Friendship

We are commanded to love and care for our spouse. It is our marital obligation and responsibility to not only let them know they are loved but to love and care for them. Love is not something you can fall in and out of because it is something you choose. C.S. Lewis said, "Love as distinct from ‘being in love' is not merely a feeling. It is deep unity, maintained by will and deliberately strengthened by habit. . . . They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other. . . . . It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run; being in love was the explosion that started it."

Christlike love requires prayer and effort. 

Having a deep friendship is an essential foundation for happy marriages. John Gottman, a renowned marriage researcher said, "Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. . . a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other's company." I love that such a high and holy principle is based on something so simple, friendship. If you have a deep friendship with your spouse, you can have a such a joyful marriage. Elder Marlin K Jensen adds to this, "A relationship between a man and a woman that begins with friendship and then ripens into romance and eventually marriage will usually become an enduring, eternal friendship.”

Equal partnership

The Proclamation states that husband and wife are to "help one another as equal partners."

There are so many areas in marriage and family life that should be equal in partnership. Roles are important and may vary in home to home, but neither husband nor wife is inferior. 

I absolutely love this paragraph, 

"It was not meant that the woman alone accommodate herself to the priesthood duties of her husband or her sons. She is of course to sustain and support and encourage them. Holders of the priesthood, in turn, must accommodate themselves to the needs and responsibilities of the wife and mother. Her physical and emotional and intellectual and cultural well-being and her spiritual development must stand first among [their] priesthood duties. There is no task, however menial, connected with the care of babies, the nurturing of children, or with the maintenance of the home that is not [a husband's] equal obligation [emphasis added]."

Challenges and arguments will arise in marriage, even GREAT marriages have issues they need to work through. "It's how differences are handled that is an important key to marital success or failure. Knowing how to handle differences respectfully is part of making a good marriage better." I love that this section talks about being able to sort through issues and disagreements without any escalation. You should have that much respect for each other that you are able to do this. 

An important thing to remember in marriage is that it is better to prevent some arguments than to have them. Before raising a complaint or issues, think about if it is really something that needs to be addressed. Having charity can help you distinguish between things of importance and things that can be let go. 

Couple councils are a great way to prevent issues before they get too large. 

Elder Robert l Simpson said, "Every couple, whether in the first or the twenty-first year of marriage, should discover the value of pillow-talk time at the end of the day—-the perfect time to take inventory, to talk about tomorrow. And best of all, it's a time when love and appreciation for one another can be reconfirmed. The end of another day is also the perfect setting to say, "Sweetheart, I am sorry about what happened today. Please forgive me." You see, we are all still imperfect, and these unresolved differences, allowed to accumulate day after day, add up to a possible breakdown in the marital relationship—all for the want of better communication, and too often because of foolish pride."

Ways to approach disagreements:

• Calm yourself first
• Bring up the concern softly, gently, and privately 
• Learn to make and receive repair attempts
• Soothe yourself and each other
• Listen with the head and heart
• Reach a consensus about a solution

Intimacy:

• “Intimacy is an enduring relationship between whole people. It includes communion with one's innermost self and union with others in social-emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual ways,” Victor Brown, Jr.
• "Premarital sexual involvement is a predictor of lower marital satisfaction."
• " In men, premarital sex even predicts later extramarital sex"
• "Couples who did not engage in sexual activity before marriage report greater sexual fulfillment after marriage."

Continuing Courtship Throughout the Years

"Scholar William Doherty (1997) commented about the entropic couple, who, through lack of attention to its inner life, gradually loses a sense of cohesion over the years. Couples gradually drift apart because they lack infusions of bonding and intimacy.

Continued Courtship is a way to fight of the "entropy" that occurs in many marriages.
Some things we can do are:

• Attend to the little things-"Marriage is a joint quest for the good, the beautiful, and the divine.” Some of these little things mentioned by President Kimball (1977) include love, manifestation of esteem and admiration, expressions of gratitude, unselfishness, seeking the interests, comforts, and happiness of the other, consideration, kindness, thoughtfulness, concern, expressions of affection, embraces of appreciation, admiration, pride, companionship, confidence, faith, partnership, equality, and interdependence. Couples can find dozens of ways to show these elements every day.
• Be intentional-Have rituals that you do often. Connection rituals, love rituals, and celebration rituals are a few different ones couples use to stay bonded.

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don't expose it to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by. Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way."

-Elder F Burton Howard

Five characteristics I think are most important for an Enduring Marriage:

1. Being intentional about your marriage. Spending time together and finding ways to connect with each other.
2. Centering your marriage on Christ. Studying together and having gospel discussions.
3. Thinking about bring up an issue or disagreement before doing so. Is it worth it? And having more Christlike love to determine these things.
4. Husbands accepting and taking upon themselves the priesthood responsibility of their wives mental, emotional, physical and spiritual welfare upon themselves.
5. Being committed to your spouse because you love them, not because you have to. Put them above all else. 

yay for good marriages!

Lesson Three: Marriage Preparation and Transitions

This lesson opens up by comparing all we are required to do for a drivers license versus what we are required to do to obtain a marriage license. 

 “Marriage is the deepest and potentially the most gratifying of all human relationships, but it is also one of the most demanding. Unfortunately couples seldom have more preparation than a little advice from their parents and a new set of china.”

Marriage does take work and I think the longer I am married the more true it is. It is especially hard when your husband is taking 19 credits, has a job, you have a job, and you have an 8 month old baby. It is hard to find time to give your marriage the attention it needs. I love this quote by President Uchtdorf, "If there were a perfect woman, do you really think she would be that interested in you?" No one is going to be perfect and especially in a marriage, you are going to see how not perfect that person is (which is part of the beauty of marriage). President Kimball said that marriage requires "most careful planning and thinking and praying and fasting." I am grateful to know that even though marriage is hard sometimes I know that I followed this counsel. It gives me and my marriage a lot of power. 

"Marriage is risky business. More risky than hang-gliding! Riskier than skydiving!"

Intentional Marriage Preparation

Marriage is a normal phase of life so why don't we prepare for it more? This section mentions several things that we can do to intentionally prepare for marriage. Attending classes, reading books, and attending workshops are some of the things they mentioned. Studies have proven that if you prepare for marriage you have a higher chance of your marriage being successful and enjoyable, but still most people do not feel a need to prepare for marriage or the transition into marriage. There were three reasons mentioned as to why people feel they do not need to prepare.

1.Myth of Naturalism-some people believe that good marriages happen naturally and without help.
2. Inter marital taboo- some people believe that marriage issues are private and should be kept between partners. 
3. Marriage preparation doesn't male a difference anyway.

One idea that was mentioned in this section is "enrichment experiences." I am not exactly sure what all these could be but he mentioned one being writing your family tree out on a chalk board and then describing your family relationships with each one to your spouse. Even if you have been married for a long time and think you know what your spouse thinks and feels about his family this could be a fun learning experience!


"If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear."
In a fireside by Elder Oaks, he talks about the difference between hanging out and dating. It is something to be aware of as you are looking for someone to marry. Don't just hang out, be intentional about what you are doing. One of the pitfalls of today's culture is lack of preparation. Don't let that happen in preparing to marry. 

Things to contemplate as you are dating:

The Lord will help and guide us but it is expected of us to make the necessary preparations. We are to study things out and determine whether or not someone would be a good fit for us and then take it to the Lord. These triangles show factors that can help predict success or troubles in marriage and it is a great tool to use while you are dating someone to predict possible challenges you would face.

It is also important to note that even if a couple passes this "test" with flying colors, challenges will surely come but it is no reason to end a relationship or give up on each other.

"We all have personal, relational, and familial weaknesses, and even after we are married, regardless of our preparation, we will discover weaknesses previously undetected or not revealed. Instead of ending a relationship as areas of concern appear, couples can realistically appraise the influence of these factors in the relationship."

AKA it just takes work :)

Here are five suggestions/pieces of advice I would say to someone preparing for eternal marriage:
1. Make sure you and your spouse's beliefs on foundation principles are the same. Its fine to have differing opinions and that actually makes a relationship better, but there are definitely subjects that you have to be on the same page with or things wont work out. You have to, in some form, value the same things.
2. While dating, go through lots of experiences together. Especially ones that will make you work as a team and have to problem solve together. It is important to see how he will handle stressful situations and when things don't go as planned. Note also, how they acts when they lose and how they treat and talk about people they don't get along with.
3. You marry who you date. How they act when you are dating they will still act when you are married (except for all the stuff they do to impress you lol). So note how they act and what they do and know that it will be magnified like x 10 when you are married.
4. A lot of things in life are routine and become meaningless after doing them day in and day out and I think that's where a lot of people get stuck. My advice for this one is to make ordinary things extraordinary and you will have a happy life. If you can make going grocery shopping together fun or eating dinner together every night something to look forward to, etc. Imagine how great your life could be if you made all the ordinary things in life, the great things in life?
5. I guess the last thing I would say is to pay attention to how they treat you. This is shown in lots of different things. Do they look you in the eyes when you talk? Do they make you feel like how you feel and what you say is important? Do they offer to help with things you need? Do you feel like they listen intently when you speak? and so so much more. The glitter and glam wears off fairly quickly and all that is left is you and your spouse and how you treat each other.

This was a good lesson and I enjoyed thinking back on how I prepared for marriage. These are still helpful tips for me even though I am married. There are always things that we can improve on.

Developing a Sense of Eternal Destiny: Lesson 2

This lesson opens up by mentioning the poem "The Touch of the Masters Hand", which is about an old violin that is being auctioned off. It looks old and of little use. The auctioneer starts at one dollar and the bidding gets to three before an older man comes to the front, dusts off the violin and fixes some of the strings. He plays a beautiful song and the auctioneer then starts back up the bidding at one thousand dollars, where it then goes for two thousand then three thousand. The poem ends by asking, "what changed the worth of the violin?" and then answers "the touch of the master's hand."

Our creator knows us, he knows how to strengthen us and put us back together when we feel broken. When we feel like the old violin, we need to remember that we still have so much value and worth. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ can and will pick us up and dust us off.

"Examine how a strong sense of individual worth positively influences family life, and suggest ways to strengthen children's sense of worth"

Such a good question to ponder: how can we strengthen our children's sense of worth?

Eternal Truths:
We do not create our worth, we are given it.
Our worth is a gift from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
We discover our worth through the Holy Ghost.
Nothing we can do can change/diminish our worth, it is always there and never changes.

"Understanding and gaining a conviction of these eternal truths can be one of our greatest blessings in life because of the confidence and security it provides."

Worthiness vs Individual Worth
No one can affect your individual worth
Unworthy is not equivalent to worthless
Nothing you can do can change your worth

Individual Worth and Family Relationships
"While knowing the truth about our individual worth can help us in our relationships with family members, confusion can lead us to act in harmful ways. For example, a parent might be lax on rules at home, not wanting to damage children's self-esteem by correcting their behavior. Paradoxically, the ability to live up to a standard and grow through making productive changes builds self-worth rather than decreasing it."

Elder Nelson said, "In order to feel joy you must feel good about yourself—not in any sense of conceit, but simply a proper esteem for yourself, well deserved”

This section then goes over the continuum of Self Love to Self Hate and how Satan doesn't really care which end of the spectrum you are on because each end causes you to focus on yourself.
It then talks about how we are not expected to be perfect and its okay to struggle with self identity and finding out who you are, that is what the Atonement is for. I loved this quote by Bruce Hafen:
"Struggling with those problems is at the very core of life's purpose."

This analogy of flowers and weeds was too good to not share:
"We grow in two ways—removing negative weeds and cultivating positive flowers. The Savior's grace blesses both parts—if we do our part. First and repeatedly we must uproot the weeds of sin and bad choices. It isn't enough just to mow the weeds. Yank them out by the roots, repenting fully to satisfy the conditions of mercy. But being forgiven is only part of our growth. We are not just paying a debt. Our purpose is to become celestial beings. So once we've cleared our heartland, we must continually plant, weed, and nourish the seeds of divine qualities. And then as our sweat and discipline stretch us to meet His gifts, “the flow'rs of grace appear,” like hope and meekness. Even a tree of life can take root in this heart-garden, bearing fruit so sweet that it lightens all our burdens “through the joy of his Son.” And when the flower of charity blooms here, we will love others with the power of Christ's own love. We need grace both to overcome sinful weeds and to grow divine flowers. We can do neither one fully by ourselves."

"If the Lord sees greatness in you, how then should you see yourself?"

Building Children's Sense of Self-worth
In the home you can create an environment where your children can learn and grow. They can learn how much they are worth by what their family life looks like at home. The way that children view their self worth affects themselves, their siblings and their parents. Make it a goal in your home to help your children and spouse know and understand who they are. One thing that I loved in this section was that children need coaches not cheerleaders (not to say that coaches don't cheer you on, they definitely do). It goes on to say that self esteem is not built and strengthened by compliments but by:
Competency: mastering talents, the ability to do more things better
Power: exerting an appropriate level of control in their own lives
Acceptance: feeling that they belong to a group and are cared about
Virtue: developing standards and the ability to hold to them.

Self Identity
We can help our children identify who they are and their purpose by teaching them the importance of how God created them, including their gender. Gender is an important aspect of our lives, our future and was an essential part of our pre-mortal life.

In conclusion, it is so important for us all to understand our self worth. We need to know that our worth is everlasting and unchangeable. It mentions the paradox of being nothing and everything to God at the same time.
"As we walk the road of life, it is helpful to imagine that we have two pieces of paper in our pockets. In one pocket, the note says, “You are the dust of the earth; you are nothing.” You pull this out when you're feeling arrogant, self-satisfied, or too independent. In the other pocket, you have a note bearing the message “You are a child of God; for you was this world made, and you are endowed with a divine birthright.” You read this note when you are discouraged and feel like you can't go on."

A deep understanding of who you are can change your heart and your home.

Strengthening Marriage and Family: Lesson 1

Tyler started school this week so while he was busy doing homework tonight, I was wishing I had some to do as well. By the time I was a senior in college, I really loved going to class and learning. I loved doing assignments for my classes because I really loved what I was learning. It seems that just when I got the hang of studying and doing well in school it was time to graduate. Someday I hope to go back, but for now it doesn't really seem like a possibility. BYU has an independent study program that offers free online courses. I have thought about doing them before and even started one last year but I am determined to finish this one! I am going to do a blog post each week so that I can kind of be going to school with Tyler and we will finish the same week! Tyler is going to be very busy this semester and next, he is aiming to graduate a semester early. He can totally do it, but there are going to be some long, hard days for the both of us. It will be worth it.

Lesson 1: Families and The Great Plan of Happiness

• The family unit is eternal and was designed my God. It is not something that was new to us when we came to earth. We were in families when we were in Heaven. God has always been our Father in Heaven, we had Heavenly Parents. 
• "Marriage and the family unit are all the central part of the Plan of Progression and Exaltation. All things center in and around the family unit in the eternal perspective. Exaltation consists in the continuation of the family unit in eternity. Those for whom the family unit continues have eternal life; all others have a lesser degree of salvation in the mansions that are prepared." -Elder Bruce R McConkie
• This motivates me to be better. I want to be the mom that Leila needs to help her gain a testimony and be armed with righteousness. I want her to be the best she can be. I want to be the wife that Tyler needs to be a better priesthood holder and father. I want him to be the best he can be. I want to be the best I can be so that we can be together. I want to be with my family forever, that is what Heaven is. I am so grateful to be sealed to my parents and that I am linked to my siblings. I am grateful for the family that Tyler and I created and that we are sealed together. I am grateful that we are eternally linked, never to be broken.
• The Grand Prizes of Eternity are:
• Obtain a physical body
• Seeking spiritual growth
• Initiating a family
• I thought this was a sweet promise by Elder Boyd K Packer, "For some all is not complete in mortal life, for marriage and a family of their own have passed them by. But the great plan of happiness and the laws which govern it continue after death. Watched over by a kind and loving Heavenly Father, they will not, in the eternal pattern of things, be denied blessings necessary for their exaltation, including marriage and family. And it will be sweeter still because of the waiting and the longing."
• Three Pillars of Eternity:
• Creation
• Fall
• Atonement
• "These doctrines form the glorious trio that provides hope, healing, and help when we confront confusing, difficult, or tragic times."
• "It takes work and effort to recognize philosophies that are damaging to families and family relationships and safeguard our families."
• There are different sources of truth;
• Empiricism: Knowledge that comes through experience and the five senses.
• Rationalism: Knowledge that comes through reasoning.
• Empiricism + Rationalism: Scientific Method
• Revelation: Knowledge that God makes known to human beings.
• Revelation is over them all because it is knowledge directly from God and through the other sources there can be error. Science and Spiritual Truths will all align in time. 
• This story really touched me and taught me a valuable lesson:
• Their eight-year-old daughter was a collector of many treasures. Most of them were small toys, treasured art projects, or nature objects retrieved during outdoor adventures. One day, she received a gift from a family friend who had traveled to an exotic place and brought back a small but precious object as a gift. She was delighted. Several weeks later, a friend of hers was moving from the neighborhood. She was encouraged by her mother to present her friend with a “going-away” gift. Without a moment's hesitation, she came back with her most precious object. The mother was about to object and encourage her to give something less valuable, but she recognized that the child had given her a powerful example of avoiding “materialism.” The little girl demonstrated the ability to sacrifice for others and to value relationships over objects.
• WOW. Wasn't that great? I learned to give away the best things, instead of keeping them for myself. The world teaches us that we should keep the best for ourselves, but this little girl wanted to give what she treasured MOST away because the relationship was what mattered most. I need to be more like that. It doesn't matter what I HAVE but who I AM and what I GIVE. 
• Marvin J Ashton, " If he could have his way, Satan would distract us from our heritage. He would have us become involved in a million and one things in this life—probably none of which is very important in the long run—to keep us from concentrating on the things that are really important, particularly the reality that we are God's children."
• This example from Robert Millet is so great:
• "I shudder at the possibility that I might finish my life and then have the Lord explain to me that I had spent my time laboring largely in secondary causes. "
• Primary causes are Marriage and Family Life. That puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

I am excited to ponder the things that were presented in this lesson. I am grateful for all the resources we have to learn truth and gain knowledge. I am grateful for my marriage and my family and am grateful for every opportunity to strengthen them.

Love, 

Kelli