Anxiously Engaged

My heart has been so full lately. I am so blessed by everything in my life. I am so grateful for this beautiful world and for the happiness that it holds. I have never felt this way before. I feel like a part of me that was empty is full and I want more. I don't ever want to stop progressing, loving, and helping. I want to be better. I want to be the best that I possibly can. I am grateful for the lessons I was taught growing up and I am thankful that I (for the most part) did what I was supposed to. I definitely have made my share (and much more) of mistakes. I might not have understood why I was or wasn't supposed to do something but I am learning now how everything fits together. When I was 14, I didn't think I could wait to date until I was 16. When I was 16, I didn't understand why we couldn't date one person steadily (I did anyway. And a lot of heartache and heartbreak resulted from it). When I was 18, I didn't understand how I could possibly fit in school, sports, friends, sleep AND my church callings/activities, but I found a way anyway. I did the things I had been taught my whole life.

I know now that dating at 14 has no purpose. That dating is for marriage and 14 year olds aren't looking to get married, so then what?

I know now that dating one person steadily almost always leads to mistakes and hurting. Sometimes it takes a really long time for that hurting to go away. 

I know now that if I put Heavenly Father first, above all else, things fall into place. I know that because I tested it and I KNOW its true. When I put His will above mine, my needs are always, always taken care of. 

This is all on my mind because I am thinking of how much sadness and hard times we can avoid if we listen to the counsel others give. It is hard when someone is about to go through something that you already have been through and they don't listen to guidance you are trying to give. I haven't always listened to the advice that other people have given me, but I am so incredibly grateful that, for the most part, if I am counseled to do something I do it. I know that this blog probably doesn't make sense, but I just want whoever reading this to know that its worth it. Helping people is worth it, loving is worth it, going to church is worth it, praying is worth it, going to the temple is worth it, spending time with your family is worth it, reading your scriptures is worth it, its all worth it. Just do what you're supposed to. If it doesn't make sense now, I promise it will in the future. Fake it til you make it. Heavenly Father will bless you for all you do, and then some. 

It is all worth it.

Completely

I have been learning recently the importance of doing things completely. When you don't, things go wrong. Not only do things go wrong, but things wont go right. I am not sure if those two things go hand in hand, but I am saying that anyway. If you aren't in 100%, you can't expect to get the maximum reward/blessings/etc.  Right now, I can only think of a couple of examples and they are kind of lame but I will share them anyway. I have never been snowboarding, but I have heard time and time again that bad things happen when you hesitate or don't follow through. If you are about to try a new trick or motion and half way through you bail out, you are going to get hurt. There is safety in courage and finishing. The other example I can think of is meeting exercise goals. If you commit yourself everyday, every morning when you wake up, to exercise and do something to help you progress, then you will meet your goals! It's not a secret, complete consistency will yield results, there is no doubt about that. Why is it then that so many of us have trouble committing 100%? Whatever it is, I guarantee there is something that each of us needs to be better at being committed to. I am learning to trust completely in my Heavenly Father. I still don't comprehend what fully that means. I thought I did, but I have so...so...SO much learning to do. I thought that meant that through doing what I was supposed to-going to church, reading my scriptures, saying my prayers, having FHE, serving those around me-that everything would just be okay, that everything would work. I know that there ARE blessings in doing what is right and what you are supposed to do, but there is so much more. I tried to find comfort in places that I had found it before-in my friends, in older journal entries, in my family, in songs-and I did find glimpses of it. I just wanted to consistently feel it. This morning the song "He"ll Carry You" by Hillary Weeks came on and these words touched my heart:

"He knew there’d be moments when no earthly words

Could take away your sorrow 

And no human eyes could see what you’re going through"

I know my family and friends are there for me and they love me, but when they can't give me what I need, I know that my Heavenly Father and Savior can. We are made of heavenly matter. I am a heavenly matter. The next line in the song is:

"When you’ve taken your last step and done all that you can do 
He will lift your heavy load and carry you"

Doing all I can do means COMPLETELY trusting in the Lord. It means that knowing He is there and aware of everything. It means to lean on HIM and not anyone or anything else. There will be times that we will feel like we can't find comfort anywhere, but in Him. He can take care of us because He made us. 

Kelli